Jenny's Story of Regret and Healing
Having an abortion at five months was the greatest tragedy of my life. I remember this event like it happened yesterday. I still remember the faces, the sounds, the smells, and the pain. The abortion took two days. It was terrible. I could feel my baby thrashing around inside of me fighting for her life before she died.
I deeply regretted the abortion. I had always been the good girl. I had a full scholarship in college with dreams of going to medical school. After the abortion, my grades dropped. I lost all self-esteem and self-confidence and I started dating a very abusive person. I didn’t feel worthy of anyone ’s love and I went through life wishing that I were dead. I got pregnant again. Many of my family members and friends told me that I should have another abortion. No way - - I had been there and done that. This baby was my baby and I was going to take care of him.
Part of me felt like God was going to take my baby away for what I had done. I had destroyed a life. I couldn’t accept God’s forgiveness for the horrible crime I had committed against my body, my family, my child and my God.
I went through counseling for my abortion and second pregnancy with Word of Hope. I will never forget talking to the director, Grace, for the first time. She loved me unconditionally and with her help I accepted the reality of what I had done and began to accept God’s forgiveness for my sin of abortion.
Grace also helped me grieve for my child. I named her Danielle after Daniel in the Bible because he had succeeded where I had failed. In the face of adversity, he stood his ground and trusted God. In a small box, we placed pictures of me, my family, and my aborted child’s ultrasound. With it I buried the guilt, pain and anguish of the abortion.
What I live with now is the experience, which God has used time and time again to encourage others to protect the lives of unborn children. I want everyone to know that abortion should never be an option.
God has continued to bless my life over and over again. My son is now 11 years old. I graduated from college, joined the military and I am now studying to go back to school to become a dentist. Although I have learned to forgive myself, I will never forget Danielle. I keep a tiny gold bangle bracelet as a reminder of my lost baby, and as a reminder of the importance and significance of every life.